One year ago, on this very day, my world shattered into a million pieces as I said goodbye to my mother, Betty Hammer. She was not just a mother to me, but the light of my life, a guardian angel who saved me when she adopted me. She not only offered me unconditional love but also a future filled with possibilities. As I reflect on this one-year milestone, I realize that my grief journey, even as a hospice and palliative executive, has not been easy.

The Ups and Downs of Grief:

Grief is a complex and individual experience. Some days, it feels unbearable, like the weight of the world is crushing me. On other days, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the time I had with my mother. No two people grieve the same way, and it is essential to embrace our unique emotions and find ways to process them. To this day I have not sent thank you cards to the people who sent gifts and attended my mother’s service, the sorry I feel when I sit to write is overwhelming, this is grief. It’s so important to let people process and understand that all who are experiencing grief thank you for what you have offered them even if they do not have the words to say.

A Heartbreaking Year Without My Hero:

Over the past year, I have experienced the depths of grief without my beloved mother by my side. She was not just a hero and a best friend; she was the rock that held me together. Despite being surrounded by loving individuals, there are days when I still feel like the abandoned child I once was. This is the power of grief, reminding us of the love and connection we had with our lost ones.

Grief in Everyday Moments:

Grief is not limited to the moments of tearful solitude. It is present in the quiet cries that escape my lips when I’m alone in the car, enveloped in silence. But grief is not all sadness; it is also the laughter that erupts when a cherished memory is sparked. The dichotomy of emotions, the ebb and flow of sorrow and joy, is what characterizes grief. It is a reminder that love, in all its intensity, continues to surround us.

The Truth in Grief:

As I navigate through this grief journey, I am coming to the realization that grief is truly love. The immense pain I feel is a testament to the depth of love I shared with my mother. The memories that flood my mind, the moments we spent together, and the impact she had on my life are all proof of the profound love we shared. Grief is not a sign of weakness; it is an expression of the love we continue to hold in our hearts.

On this solemn occasion of my mother’s one-year death anniversary, I find solace in understanding that grief is not something I can avoid or overcome entirely. It is a lifelong process intertwined with love and memories that will forever carry me forward. As I continue to mourn the loss of my hero and best friend, I am reminded that grief is truly love.

And so, I hold onto that love, cherish it, and let it guide me through the rollercoaster of emotions that come with grief, knowing that my mother’s love will always be with me.

I also want to express my deep appreciation for the hospice services that helped my mother pass away peacefully and with dignity. My mother was on hospice, and the support that we received was invaluable in making her final moments as comfortable and pain-free as possible. My brothers and I will remain forever grateful for the opportunity to share stories we loved with her as we held her hands and watched her pass into eternal life. These moments would not have been possible without the compassionate care and support of the hospice team.